


If The Rain Stopped

by Rage04



Category: DanPlan
Genre: Angst, Annabelle youtube, Baking, Birthday, Crying, Dan Plan, DanPlan - Freeform, Feelings, Hosuh - Freeform, Hosuh Lee - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, I’m Bad At Tagging I’m Sorry, Jaidenanimations - Freeform, Light Angst, M/M, Stephen - Freeform, Stephen Ng - Freeform, hosuh is good bread, i guess heavy, i promise the story will be better than this lol, it could be both, jaiden animations - Freeform, ongoing, stephen is having a hard time, stosuh, the odd 1 sout, theodd 1 sout
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2019-11-14 17:57:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18057314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rage04/pseuds/Rage04
Summary: Stephen never thought he’d deal with anything remotely resembling an identity crisis at age twenty two, but things happen unexpectedly sometimes. He’s turned his personality into so many things that he doesn’t even know who he is anymore, this becoming apparent when his soft side comes out to make a friend happy on their birthday. So it’s time for Stephen to let said friend be the friend he’s been trying to be to Stephen without him pulling walls up.I’m sorry if this description kinda sucks the writing is my strong area. I hope you read and enjoy this!





	1. It’s crazy what you’d do for a friend.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like it! I’m going to be trying to update this very frequently and still make it good so wish me luck.

  It wouldn’t be a total lie if Stephen said that he cared profusely for the other guys of their YouTube channel. If Daniel needed someone to do stupid shit with that he got in fan mail, he’d do it. If Hosuh needed to borrow twenty bucks that he could just pay back later. Yeah, that’s totally fine with him. He would like to be set free from ever being a slave to another persons needs. But if his best friends needed something small, he would rather show that he could do it. The worst part is that he didn’t even know if it was for his friend or just himself.

Say, Daniel asked Stephen to talk about what they wanted to do for Ann’s birthday. He wouldn’t do it. It was always because he’d rather stay out of sentimental situations. For another example.. If Hosuh called him at three o’clock in the morning to ask if he’d finally bake with him on his birthday this year, even if he had the most excited and hopeful ring to his voice that you could tell was tired because he stayed up too late animating again, Stephen would say no, of course. That was a no brainer. So.. why was Stephen in his car struggling in an attempt to see the road with a raging storm going on in the sky, showing all its fury to the top of his car, just to go to the store and buy his friend a card? God wouldn’t know.

 

From the second he walked into the small store, he could immediately feel the distinct vibe radiating from the building and onto him like it was just trying so hard to get under his skin for whatever reason. He was drenched.. Even after his hood fell to rest across his broad shoulders. His purple hair was drenched underneath. The irony of a drop falling onto his face in the place where a tear would be was astonishing. Even more so as it fell down his face in the same track a tear would follow as it fell past his cheek and dropped onto the beige tile beneath his feet. And in this too quiet world, he could have sworn that he heard it hit the floor. But he’d shake it off, like it was just more of the water on his finger tips.

The lights on the ceiling were yellowing with age. A few “happy anniversary” helium balloons took their place next to the yellow that some kids probably ran around the store the previous day with with much disapproval from from their parents, making it that much more unbearable. The light seemed to fill the entire building. Not that there was much space to fill. But it was enough to think about.

There was something about the light of the sun into glass windows that just makes your brain pretend things are so much different than they actually are. So during the night, with dark eyes and blank lips that parted ever so little, Stephen knew he wouldn’t be able to forget the place this really was or seemed like the next time he came there during the day. Even if it was for something as simple as a carton of milk.

Stephen sighed as he picked up a blue card. It read the generic “Happy Birthday!” Across the front like all of the other ones. But somehow Stephen wasn’t able to read it the way he thought it would or should sound coming from a real person’s mouth. And however generic it was, he liked it because it went well with the image Stephen had of Hosuh right up in the front of his mental vision. So it was enough. It was.. nice, enough.

It seems like these cards have a different feel every time Stephen runs his thumb across the front. He was never able to figure out why. Wether it was that he didn’t have enough time to completely think it through, his fingers were wet with rain water, or maybe just the simple fact that he hadn’t touched one in so, so long.

His left cheek pulled the edge of his lip up until the smallest smirk appeared over his emotionless, tired lips. He licked them, consequently forcing the grin back as he grabbed a random envelope to go with the card and brought it to the front desk where a lady sat who looked just as unhappy to still be here as him.

Stephen was always the type to think ahead, and the thought in particular that he landed on, was “What the actual f*** am I going to fill this out with. He pulled a five dollar bill out of his worn leather wallet and handed it to her. He asked for change back so that she’d have to count quite a bit out. The card was no more than a dollar and thirty cents. And in the time she spent counting, Stephens face pulled to one expression he had when he was doing something bad. Not funny bad. But something he could legitimately get caught and scolded for. And he set his hands on the counter, tapping his finger tips a few times before taking the change with one hand and swiping a plastic “Dollar General” pen that laid out at the edge of the counter with the other.

 

Nailed it.

 

Words could not describe the relief he felt to step out of that building. Though, being in his car in a storm in a dollar store parking lot wasn’t much better, at least he was alone. That’s how he liked it, honestly. He could think as long as he wanted with nothing or no one to stop him. He switched the card and it’s casing with his thumb and pointer finger, taking the pen in his other hand and pulling the cap off with his teeth to fill the card out against his steering wheel. Probably not the most sanitary thing he could have done, but he didn’t give a damn anymore. That boy had eaten so much random crap off of his as well as other people’s kitchen floors. He accidentally leaned too far onto the wheel, honking the horn that even startled him since it was such a break in the silence. He jumped slightly and goose bumps rose across his skin as he calmed back down to once again focus on the card.

He wrote out a note. Nothing big, and certainly nothing sentimental, but as believed. It was enough. And the small smile returned as he drew his crappy version of Hosuh and His characters off to the side, stuffing the card in the casing and licking the glue to close every inch of the blue envelope. He wanted this to be as hard for Hosuh to open as he could make it. The thought made him laugh. Watching his friend struggle to open, and slowly but surely being able to get to the gift and read it. And maybe, just maybe Hosuh would feel comfortable enough to hug him. Because Stephen was sure as hell going to hug him back. Even if he was drenched in a storm that looked like tears falling down his face.


	2. If you knew who you were.

_If I got drunk and fell, pulling you down with me and injuring us both, would you stand up and hold your own wounds, or would you put out your hand to me and help me up first?_

 

  It was so easy- such a simple question. But it was so hard to answer. No matter how many times he’d replay the sound of Daniel asking it and Hosuh’s “Of course I’d help you first. I mean.. I care about you. And it just seems like the right thing to do so..”, Stephen just couldn’t answer off the top of his head.

He had made this completely different, show personality. When he sat on the couch playing games with his friends, rarely did he speak the way many knew unless it was complete and utter sarcasm and obviously for a short laugh. No one doubted that Stephen would be the first to hold a knife to a dying man, but it was so overlooked that perhaps.. the dying man had a knife to someone Stephen cared about. So he was simply offering an eye for an eye. He wasn’t a monster, so god knows why Stephen liked people to think that. But who am I kidding, something like that would never happen, and besides. Knives are too informal.

 

  “ _Of course I’d help you first. I mean.. I care about you. And it just seems like the right thing to do so..”_

 

“ _I wouldn’t help you. Final answer.” Of course. Words spoken with images of himself killing for people as special to him as his friends._

 

“ _What if in the end, I died because of your choice?”_

 

_“Then I’d have to help you die faster.”_

 

。。。

 

Grey eyes met the closed envelope sitting on his nightstand marked with a sloppy “To Hosuh” scribbled across the back. Only two days till Stephen would give him the card, and with it a part of himself that he’d kept hidden as well as he could.

“Why do you sleep on your back?” A higher voice sounded from a gaming chair at the foot of his bed. He heard the quiet squeaking as the chair spun in circles and kicking of feet on the hardwood floor that kept it spinning.

“What do you-“ What a weird question, don’t you think? “Why do I sleep on my back?”

The red head stopped the chair, her feet squeaking against the floor. “Well, yeah. I’ve always been a stomach sleeper. I bury my face into my pillows and I get all comfy and snuggled up until it’s warm and I can drift off into a peaceful sleep!” Her words were carried in a sing-song kind of voice up until the next part. “But.. you don’t.” She pulled her legs up to sit cris-cross in the chair. “I have friends who sleep on their sides, fellow stomach sleepers, I even know a few other people who sleep on their backs.”

 

“Then what’s so weird about me doing it?”

And that drew a sigh from the cheery YouTuber. “Well it’s kind of hard to explain..” Stephens left eyebrow pulled up at that, and he crossed his arms behind his head, keeping his stare to his ceiling fan. “Hm.”

 

“Well.. when Jaiden lays on her back when we face time or hang out sometimes, she always looks so comfortable. She kinda sinks into the covers like she’s the most comfortable person in the world. The same goes for the other back sleepers I’ve met. But you? You look so tense like you just committed a crime or something.. What are you thinking..?”

This caused Stephen to start chewing on the inside corner of his lips, and without even looking, Ann pointed it out. “You always cross your arms around your chest and chew on your lips like you’re waiting for someone to bust in and kill you at any moment. Like you know it’s about to happen. But.. you don’t.”

Stephen let the abused corner of his lip fall from his teeth. “So what? I’m totally comfortable.” And it was Anne’s turn to give him a stupid expression. “A blind man could tell that you’re not.”

 

“Oh, but I  _am. “_

 

“Not.”

 

Stephen groaned, pulling his hands over his face. “Ughh- why do you even pay attention to these things?”

It was nothing new to any of them that their friend was most observant when it came to their small but sure friend group.

“Because I care about you guys.”

But that was something Stephen couldn’t respond to.

“It was nice hanging out with you since I haven’t in a while!”

 

“.....You broke into my hou-“

 

“Okay byeee Stephen!”

 

Stephen walked her to the door to make sure she didn’t do something stupid and die. She could have managed it, even in the three seconds it would have take. To leave. But mostly, so that he could lock both bolts of his door so no one else could card his door.

And she was gone. Stephen paced down the short hall to his bedroom again. He had no intention whatsoever to get up before two in the afternoon. On the way, he reached his hand out to the side, running his fingers across the rough wall, flicking off the light and plopping back onto his bed, immediately crossing his arms over his chest.

 

_She was right._

 

_Shut up._

 

Stephen sighed, rolling himself onto his side, causing the mattress to creak as he turned. He pulled his hands up close to his face, staring at his finger tips as they curled in. The envelope caught his eyes past his hands, blurring them in his vision. He let his eyes blink shut, ignoring the purple hair that fell out in front of his eyes.

His chest was on fire and he’d kill to be pulled away by something as comforting as sleep again. Even if the images behind his eyes held not-so-comfortable illusions of monsters pulling him apart limb by limb. Even if he could feel it. It would feel better than the storm in his throat, forcing its way up.

He pursed his lips, clenching his jaw and tilting his face further into the sheet, holding onto it loosely. He wanted to breathe, he needed to, but he couldn’t remember how for some reason. His fear of crying if he opened his mouth was overweighing the idea of just breathing through his nose. So his fingers danced tighter, and he opened his mouth. The deep breath that he pulled in was shaky, but as he feared, it was even shakier leaving him again. And he clenched his teeth, rolling onto his stomach and encasing his face in his arms as if to hide himself from someone who wasn’t even there.

“ _Fuck.._ ” he breathed out, the words closely followed by dry gasps and silent tears. And the only thing he could do was pull his arms tighter and just push his face further into the sheets. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_..” In a way, repeating the word he felt so at home with helped, but at the same time, hearing how weak his voice sounded made him want to drive his fist through his bathroom mirror. But that’s too much damage to replace that he didn’t have the money or time for.

 

_If We we’re both hurt on the floor, would you help me?_

_“Yes..”_

_Are you sure?_

 

“That you even know yourself anymore.. Stephen..?”


	3. Keep Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen’s life still sucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to make this chapter funnier since the last two were kinda depressing, but as you’ll see, that didn’t work.

“Wow! The black olives- it makes the milk taste different!” Joey’s eyes shot up to his brother who was currently eating a line of random foods with milk to see what the differences were.

“Hosuh what the fuck?”

 

The shorter of the two frowned, setting the small cup of olives back onto the counter. It had been no more than a day since Hosuh had taken the risk to ask Stephen if maybe, finally, just this time he’d cook with him on his birthday, but he was dying from the anticipation that came with waiting to see what he’d do this time.

Every other time had been a “no”, so there really was no reason for Hosuh to feel so much hope that this time could finally be it, but.. he couldn’t help it. It was one of his favorite things to do, baking. To him, there was something so wonderful about going to the store and buying random things and playing around with it with a friend, or friends in the kitchen- no matter how small- until they came up with something fun and tasty that they could further enjoy together. And along with that, came the memories, the funny jokes and laughter.. But no one else just seemed to get that. And to make it simple, that really, _really_ sucked.

 

The first time Hosuh had spent time with Stephen, well, it was an absolute train wreck to say the least. Stephen had been absolutely consumed with liquor, and walking around with a clingy, lanky guy draped over his shoulder and complaining for food wasn’t the best.

“Stephen- can you, can you just stay on the couch?” He’d asked, trying his damnedest to get him off and away from him.

“Come _on_ _Hosuh_..” he groaned, uncomfortably close to the back of his neck as he was pretty much draped over his friend. “Dan told me you were an awesome cook. Please, I will actually eat anything.” And when he’d said it he was telling the total truth. There had yet to be a memory Hosuh had of Stephen saying, “No, I don’t like that food.” In fact, Stephen was still the only other person he knew that liked avocado.

Everything Stephen said had sounded so whiny, and it kinda ticked Hosuh off, but not because he was being clingy. Because he had let himself get so damn wasted.

So there Hosuh had stood in the kitchen, making the more violent of the two food while his arms gripped down around Hosuh’s stomach. Dark purple hair draped across his shoulder and collar bone, and Stephen’s face stayed buried in his neck. But somehow, Hosuh’s mind managed to register this as Stephen cooking with him, and the whole thing bothered him that much less. He even became comfortable with the way Stephen started rocking side to side ever so subtly due to his impatience and inability to stay in one place while standing. And the hair brushing Hosuh’s jaw didn’t bother him anymore. Because it was warm.

Occasionally Stephens mouth would open to take in a deep breath since his oxygen was cut with his face buried in Hosuh’s neck, and every time it did Hosuh would flinch. But Stephen didn’t even notice. He’d been drifting to sleep even. And Hosuh wasn’t going to just push him away, he wasn’t like that.

  After Hosuh had turned off the stove, he continued to stand there because Stephen didn’t even notice the food Hosuh had made him was done. Just stayed there and kept subconsciously rocking oh so gently. And Hosuh hesitated taking the hands wrapped around his stomach, knowing the chills that would run down his neck with the loss of warmth.But he did. He wrapped his hands around Stephens forearms. “Hey,” he rolled his shoulders, moving Stephen’s face from the crook of his neck. “Hey, I made you food..” He tried to talk quietly to make sure his roommates didn’t wake up.

“You did?” He asked sleepily. And Hosuh just sighed, smiling lightly. He wasn’t going to tell Stephen that he’d literally been standing there hugging him as he cooked. It didn’t matter anymore. He wasn’t going to tell him that he was sad for him to move, because he had the memory.. and memories had always been his favorite part of cooking with people.

 

 

“Uhh..” Joey snapped his fingers in front of his brother. “You good there, you kinda zoned out.” Hosuh forced a smile to his face, picking up a cranberry and putting it in his mouth. “Yeah, sorry.” He spoke with the cranberry in his mouth before picking up the cup of milk and taking a drink of it with the berry. He cringed at the sour taste. “Wow, Uhh, that one was not as pleasant as the olive..”

 

。。。

 

“Daniel. Can you stop trying. There is no way I’m getting and or doing anything sentimental for Hosuh. I don’t care if it’s his birthday. There’s nothing significant about birthdays besides the fact that you are now three-hundred sixty-five days closer to you’re inevitable demise!”

Little did he know..

“But Stephen!” Dan cried, his hand going up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “He is one of your best friends, and even if you don’t think that it’s important that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t.”

And congratulations Daniel, Stephen now felt bad about not doing something he had already done. “Well dicks Daniel, what do you want from me?!” His arms rose from his sides in frustration, his fists balling up. It would have been so much easier if Stephen just told Daniel that it’s okay, he was doing something for Hosuh. Something wonderful actually.

“...I-.. I want you to-“

“Shut up Daniel.” He didn’t move. Just stared him dead in the eye. “You don’t tell me what to do. You don’t get to tell me how to care for people.” And perhaps, just maybe, getting in a fight with the closest person to Hosuh when Stephen was already in a bad place with him, wasn’t the best idea. He wasn’t thinking about that though. So he had no idea that he’d soon get an angry call from Hosuh that would send him further down the water he was already drowning in.


	4. Hold On.. What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fate is a really screwy thing, right? Of course not, because it doesn’t exist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I am so sorry that I haven’t posted this sooner. The next one won’t take this long to post so don’t worry about that.

After a few very long hours of running this through his mind, it _finally_ fucking occurred to Stephen that his feelings might not be the most invincible. He wasn’t a machine. He was a human being that, despite his constant urge to bash things in and scream, had a face, not a mask.

He sometimes tended to forget that until he looked into the mirror some days, but after that he was just angry at himself for being pathetic enough to look into a sheet of glass and get surprised by what he saw.

It was about time that everyone had started arriving at Hosuh’s house. Not Stephen though, he was constant on his decision to finally open up to Hosuh without anyone else around. So that night was going to be a bit longer for him.

 

Much, much longer than he expected it to be...

 

Stephen tilted his head down, pulling his phone up from against his chest and halfway under the blanket he’d failed miserably at pulling across himself. He squinted at the bright light, immediately turning it down and shutting off the blue light. This would go a lot faster if he could actually see, he figured. And he set an alarm for later, pulling his phone back down to his chest and almost curling up to it. He knew Hosuh’s party was going to go on until no later than eleven, so that’s when he set his alarm for. He decided that that’s when he’d give him the card.

That’s when he’d tell Hosuh how much he meant to him.

 

。。。

 

 

Hosuh wasn’t that surprised when he got an angry call from Daniel. For the longest time, Daniel had been so unbelievably conflicted on weather or not he should tell Hosuh what Stephen said. They were friends.. but so were Hosuh and Stephen.. right? Who even knew anymore.

Daniel groaned, putting the palms of his hands over his eyes. What was he supposed to do? And the answer to that shouldn’t have been as hard as Daniel was making it. He tended to make things a bit... difficult. Or, more so than they actually had to be. And that’s what he was doing to this, oh so tragic, situation that was about to take place between two of his friends that he still didn’t really know about.

 

But he told him. He called Hosuh, told him about how “inconsiderate” he thought Stephen was being. But for the cost of what? Maybe it was because he needed someone to talk about it with, to share his opinion and feelings, even though that happened to be with the worst possible person he could have chosen.

Or maybe it was because this was how things were supposed to play out. From the second Stephen was awake in that store, Daniel was at home reading a book, and Hosuh was testing weird foods with his brother.. to nothing but some broken glass that nobody knew was coming, quite literally Something awful was about to happen, and in the end, would this make it Daniels fault, or fate? But Stephen didn’t believe in that, sadly, Stephen had no say in this side of the outcome.

 

。。。

 

Hosuh had fucking known that Stephen wasn’t going. He’d absolutely known that. So what cupped his face and pulled his lips in such a sad way when he heard the way Daniel had said it over the phone?

What made him want to almost cry over a little shitty news?

 

Who knows why anything happened anymore..?

 

 

Hosuh would be lying if he said that the little party they had wasn’t fun at all, because really, it was. But without all of his friends there? What was the point, really? Stephen wasn’t there. One of his best friends wasn’t there. Sure he’d ‘not been able to make it’ a few other years. But something felt different this time. Something felt _wrong_.

Something felt wrong during all of their small fun ‘party games’, something felt wrong as some of his friends were filling  out of his house at exactly eleven o’ two,And something certainly felt wrong as Anne, one of the three people who had stayed back and not left with the others, cupped her hand over her mouth and held her phone to her chest just seconds after opening it.

 

“Hold on... just hold on.. Stephen, what..?”


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy craaaaapppp guysssss.  
> -sigh-  
> Uhhhhhhh. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know it’s literally been MONTHS. But I finally heckin’ present to you. This next chapter. I was just having a hard time with school stuff but that’s over now so.. yeah. Enjoy the heart wrenching chapter I’m about to smack you people with.

     There’s already a part of you that just naturally feels weak when the way you wake up is to a blaring alarm. But you know what? No matter how much you can hate waking up to something as callous or hollow as the feeling you get when your phone alarm goes off.. you can always count on it to wake you up at the moment you wanted to. Right on the dot. For it to put you at the right place at the right time  

Sometimes people happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Would Stephen call that fate. Yeah no, this was already established. 

Stephen took a deep breath as he wrenched himself from the sheets he was laying on, his lungs almost turning to ice. It had been pretty cold out, hadn’t it? 

Stephen checked his phone, eyes squinting down at the bright screen that he could have sworn that he turned down the brightness on. He rubbed his tired eyes, sighing and tucking his phone into his pants pocket. He pulled his legs over the side of his bed, taking a moment to feel weirdly empty for whatever reason. He huffed lightly, not strong enough to move a feather, and laced his fingers together.

He closed his eyes in an attempt to clear the migraine that was starting to form and make him even more dizzy than he was when he’d fallen asleep in the first place. This was stupid.. He only thought about how easy it would have been to forget this. Let this damn thing alone the way it should have been left before he started “trying to be a better friend” or whatever this even was anymore. “What the hell is this?” But it sounded like more of a disappointed statement than a question. “I’m chained to this aren’t I?” He laughed coldly  

He held his breath for a moment, rising and picking up the card, pulling his jacket on. 

On his way out the door, Stephen checked his time again. Eleven o’ five. That hadn’t been as much time wasted over thought as he hoped. 

Do you ever feel like maybe, just maybe, if you spend enough time wishing something wasn’t real, it’ll just disappear? Because Stephen did. He’d spent so much time wondering why he threw himself into this difficult mess- and how he’d managed to piss Daniel off doing it. But y’know, Stephen couldn’t bring himself to be mad at him. 

Stephens hand rested on the knob of his apartment for a moment longer than normal. He stared blankly out at the nothingness of the dark road he’d be driving on in a moment. His eyes narrowed, and his thumb rubbed against the card, wondering if this was the last time he’d ever feel it or if he was going to take his last chance to back out of something he’d already spent too many emotions on that he didn’t even have. 

He licked his lips, immediately feeling them chill and looked up at the porch light where there weren’t any bugs or moths due to the cold. He wished he could be hiding away like that. Somewhere warm where he didn’t have to worry about things like this. 

But he dropped the thought, locking the door and stumbling down the steps of the porch. 

“Im falling apart. I hope you’re happy.” 

.  .   .

 

  There wasn’t a person on the face of planet earth that wanted a heart that was beat, and bruised, and cut up until it was showing its pain by forcing glassy tears down the face of its owner until they shattered just the way all of the emotions in that heart had. 

Well, unless they were just a fucking Sociopath. 

Stephen tapped his thumb on his steering wheel, slouching in his chair. If he never told anybody the real him, would anything ever change. Well of course not. Nothing can move without a force acting on it. It had seemed like such a basic fifth grade fact, common sense even. But no one takes the time to think about these things in detail. Unless they were desperate. Or just really, really bored. The moral of the story was: that Stephen wasn’t required by a single human being to try and be a better person than he’d been just a few days ago. No soul made him try to change for the people he cared about. Some had helped. But none had bade him do a single thing. And no soul was making him invincible enough to take it with a stone heart either  

Stephen didn’t like to think that he wasn’t invincible. Because unlike most people, he’d believed that he was, in fact invincible, for a very, very long time. He wasn’t on top of the world and he wasn’t a god. 

God Stephen hated emotions. And nothing could ever explain to Stephen with sense why he’d decided to try and do this even though he knew deep down how hard it would be to break a shell he’d been living in for an awful long time. 

Stephne had a whole life to decide lots of things, but he felt rushed now. He felt like he was trying to breathe under a pile of rocks and dirt. He didn’t want to pretend like he could hide somewhere that couldn’t even keep him save. And he didn’t like being rushed. He took a breath to calm himself down, and he started driving again, putting his hands over his face for a split second to try in a desperate attempt to maybe wipe a whole other emotion onto his face with the swipe of his hand. 

But a lot of things can happen in a split second. Things that people don’t like to think about, mostly. Set the scene for an an out of body experience maybe..? 

Have you ever thought you were invincible? Because Stephen sure as hell did once. Have you ever heard a story in the paper or on the radio, and though you _knew_  you should have felt bad for that unfortunate soul, you didn’t? Because you felt safe in the arms of whatever false pretext you were oh so protected by. Because, _certainly_ , nothing like that could ever happen to _you_ , right? Especially if you already had a lot of delicate things to handle. Well that person probably did too. 

So you don’t think about it. And you convince yourself that that’s fine. 

Its completely fine. 

You know.. no matter where you are, or what problems you’re dealing with, things can still get you. Even if you’re suffering from a change in personality, trying your best to do something as simple as getting a card to a close friend. Rough shit can still take you under. Because you know why? No ones invincible. And there’s just something about the world that’s almost canibalistic. Feeding on the people that make it thrive the most. People that are trying to make a good difference. Yeah, those are the ones you hear about. 

But it’s fine. Just don’t think about it and it might not happen to you. Don’t think about someone in the lane over being in an argument with their spouse and bumping their steering wheel in a fit of anger, there’s absolutely no way they could possibly hit you. And definitely don’t think that people have flaws, because it’s impossible for a teenager to be on their phone while driving and run a light, crashing right into you. Ramming you head on side, when you’re already dealing with something. Because it won’t happen to you, I pinkie promise.

Well stephen knew this was a possibility. And he did think about it. So is that the reason why it happened to him? Or was it just because that alarm he set for himself, -knowing that if he could trust it to do one thing, that thing would be to get him to the right place at the right time- , put him right at the _wrong_ place, at the _wrong_ time?

Well he certainly wasn’t thinking about that anymore. Because, well. Who thinks about those things when they’re busy being glued in place by their own blood?


	6. It was an accident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good god guys....
> 
> Is I’m sorry acceptable at this point? I knowwwww it’s been foreverrr. I’m sorryyyy. Ok. I’m finally getting the chance to update now so. Freaking woop I guess have fun with this emotional shit.

   Stephen couldn’t see for a moment. Well, a moment at the very least. It was kind of difficult to see when all of the blood in your body was quickly making its way to your head. Even more difficult when you can here it doing so.  Stephen did know one this for absolute sure— hell couldn't lie and say that he was currently sitting right-side-up. No, he was against something hard and slightly cool. 

   After a few more moments of getting used to his surroundings, he wished more than anything that he hadn’t, because holy mother of god his arm and head hurt so horribly. He felt up to his right until he felt a button. He opened his console, reaching around until he felt a plastic object. He tried leaning up further to get a better hold of it, but the pressure back on his left arm caused him to yell out once he moved back to his spot where he was held in place by his seatbelt. He slid the blade from the knife, putting the blade to his chest and pushing outward until he was able to slice free from the painfully restricting seatbelt. 

   Pushing himself to a standing was impossible here, but much of the glass of his car was shattered if not cracked up. So against better judgement, he kicked at his dash until the nearest edges were busted out. He figured, he was already covered in a bit of his own blood from the glass that had shattered right next to his head against his left side. He made it out through the makeshift hole in the dash, cutting a nasty gash in the top of his left thigh in the process, but he didn’t care. 

  “Son of a bitch..” he whispered, rolling over onto his back and resting against the glass covered gravel. He felt a small vibration from his pocket, that reminding him of the track he was supposed to be following in his life before the recent turn of events. And it made his eyes burn. 

   He pulled out his phone, more surprised that the front hadn’t shattered than almost anything at the moment. He put his red headed friend on the phone, knowing she’d be damn confused as to why he hadn’t fucking made it to Hosuh’s house by now. 

  “Anne.” And of course some angry muttering came from the other end of the line. 

   “Anne.” He tried his best to shift around more. But Stephen wasn’t going anywhere. “I got in an accident.” But there wasn’t even a playful edge to his voice, because right about now, he began fearing for his life. He let go. “I don’t know what happened. I can’t. Fucking-“ he forced himself to a sitting position, gasping as his left arm straightened a bit. “I’m not two minutes away. The intersection.” He leaned against the car, letting his head fall back. “I have to..” _Go._

Andwhen he felt his other arm betray him and fall, he heard the screen of his phone shatter as it hit the ground next to him.

———

  “Stephen... What?”

 

 

   It didn’t take long for Hosuh’s entire being to become visibly unsettled after Anne’s phone dropped to her side from her ear. And it didn’t take long for Daniel to follow after her as she quickly made her way to the door, her knuckles whiting out as she gripped her keys tighter. 

  She felt a pressure against her upper arm, not even sparing a glance to Daniel who had grabbed her in an attempt to get the girl to calm down and talk to them for a moment. But in her eyes, there wasn’t a single shred of time that could be wasted here.

   By the time she got to the door, Hosuh had joined them. They were the very last ones left in the apartment now. “Hey, what about Stephen? You can’t just run off from us like that!” Hosuh argued as they followed her outside. 

  She urged them to just shut up and get in the car, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to shake them away, and why would she want to? No matter how much Stephen didn’t like to admit it at times, Hosuh and Daniel were his best friends, and they loved him despite his grumpiness and violent tendencies. And how quickly they got in the car really demonstrated that fact. 

———

  They got there in less than two minutes, like Stephen had said before he slipped out. Hosuh forgot everything when he saw the flipped car. Stephen’s flipped car. The three of them were momentarily frozen in time. “Is he.. still..” A softer voice spoke from Anne as they stood there. She was just saying what they were all thinking, though. _Was he still in that car?_ All of their eyes threatened to water up. 

   Hosuh made a sprint up to the car, but spotted Stephen next to it rather than in it, and that might have been a relief if he wasn’t out cold. Hosuh tried his best not to injure himself on the glass, but that was proving difficult. 

   The red from the approaching lights mixed with the amber glow of the street light above them over Stephen’s face as he was moved from the shadow of the car. It was never a busy little intersection, so there wasn’t a need for much light. But the fact that it was rarely used, made the situation all the more unfortunate. Hosuh looked to the right, spotting another truck, it hadn’t been flipped at all, but from the smashed up front it was obvious what had happened. And it wasn’t even the other person’s fault. All of the blame went to the purple haired man. He had gone when he wasn’t supposed to. He had been the one not paying attention to the light.

  “ _Stephen_.” Hosuh mumbled under his breath. “What were you thinking- what were you _doing_?” With Dan’s help, they were able to move his body from the crash scene. Hosuh couldn’t begin to sort his thoughts. This wasn’t his birthday anymore. Partly because it had been completely disregarded by himself at this point, and also because he didn’t want to think of his birthday and remember an event like this..

” _Stephen_!”

  Hosuh shook his shoulders, thus reactivating the pain in his left arm and causing him to jolt from whatever small knock out he’d fallen into. Stephen yelled, almost going completely out of control in a small fit of panic and adrenaline before Hosuh leaned forward and just wrapped his arms around his body, holding Stephen’s arms from moving. Hosuh could hear his heartbeat, and though that should have cheered him up he just felt like.. for some reason, he needed a bit more to remind himself that Stephen was still alive. Though, maybe Stephen leaning back against him once he finally calmed down was enough. 

  Once Stephen’s eyes regained focus on the world around him, his first flooding, overwhelming emotion was regret. Never had he thought something like this could happen to him, especially on an attempt to do something good in his life. But that was the saying, right? Bad things happened to good people? Saints. Stephen would argue that he was far from the essence of a being in that mentality. The mentality of a sane, normal, good person. But that was a construct, and the only person Stephen was willing to let title him said that he was more than just good, even if he was to never know the walls Stephen was trying so hard at busting down around himself to try and do something so sweet for that person. 

   Stephen’s head was against him though. He _knew_ that. He knew what this felt like. Never even having laid against Hosuh before, he didn’t need the experience to know that the person hugging him was an angel with unkempt hair that was sloppily put in a hair tie so it stayed out of the way as he drew pictures. He looked up, reaching his right hand up and putting it over Hosuh’s arm. His eyes closed again, and Hosuh’s worry was expressed by the tightening of his arms. Stephens eyes didn’t have to be open for him to see the worry on his face. 

   But Stephen figured..he could give Hosuh just one more reassurance if nothing else. One more thing he could put out before he was inevitably taken by paramedics and put in an ambulance. 

   The little edge went back to his face. That along with a stupid smirk. But it said everything would be alright. It was that last resort reassurance. Even if he never gave his friend a card saying happy birthday. Saying how much he’d gone through to deliver his friend something special.. maybe.. it might have been all Hosuh wanted to hear in person. Just for those words to leave Stephens mouth directly instead of over a card. Maybe it might have meant even more to him than something that took actual effort and money to buy. Stephen had never thought about the ‘power in words.’ He just wasn’t that way. But he was finally starting to get it now.

  Hosuh wiped a thumb under Stephens eye where the steering wheels safety mechanism had busted his cheek..

  Now that he was being held tightly by a person who was shaking for his safety despite how much Stephen ever thought Hosuh couldn’t care about him this much. So he let it slip for the sake of his best friend.

“Happy birthday, Hosuh.” 

 

Because that’s what saints do.

 

  

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to those who actually read this and enjoyed it! I’m trying to make this pretty good for you guys and I’ll be updating every day/ every other day or two!


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